So you want to kill yourself? Because no one cares about you. Your family hates you. Right? No. Your parents walking in your room in the morning to only find a dead body. They’ll try their hardest to not think negative, and to just think that you’re fooling around. Then they’ll start shaking you. Why aren’t you breathing? They’ll be broken. Tears. Many tears. More tears than you ever shed. Was it them? Were they the reason you did this? More tears. Pain. Every day. Every night. Every single second of every day. Guilt. More guilt. What about your bestfriends? They’re not going to care. Right? No. What’s the first thing that will go through their mind when your principal comes in and tells the class that you’re not alive. While your bestfriend sits there in tears. That girl that you’d smile at but never talk to? She’s now crying. The boy who used to kick you under the table just to annoy you? He’ll be shocked. He’ll be devastated. He’ll blame himself. What about your teacher? Thoughts crossing her mind. She’ll question if you did it because she didn’t make school comfortable enough for you. Pain. Devastation. All in one. Who organises your funeral? Who has to go through your stuff? Clothes? Notes? Those few older girls who used to give you daggers at school? They’ll feel regret. They’ll blame themselves. See, if you killed yourself today, you’ll never know what might of happened tomorrow. You’ll never know because you’re dead. Plain dead. Not breathing. Not alive. Just dead. Your family hates themselves for it. Your bestfriend then falls into depression. Tears. Tears. More tears than a river. All because you killed yourself because you thought noone would care. Right? You are loved. By many. Someone right now is thinking of you. And right now, I’m thinking about anyone who has thought or is considering suicide. You are beautiful. No matter if you’re black, white, homo-sexual, tall, short, overweight or anorexic. You are beautiful. You want to kill yourself? Think about it first. There’s no coming back. And I promise, if you do it, you are not only hurting yourself, you are hurting many. You are creating more tears than you led yourself to. You are making everyone miserable and making them all feel guilt and pain. Never will they feel whole like they used to when they had you. You are beautiful. And you are never ever alone.

(Source: asfakeasy0urtan, via dropletsofmagic)

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

To _

You suck so much.

I dunno if you know, or playing hard to get, or just.. I dunno :))

But you suck :))

You’re one of the most insane (good way) people I know and I just want you to know that.

I sometimes wish things turned out differently, I dunno, I just think about different scenarios. But still, I’m good.

And I really hope that you are :)

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Friendliest?

For one day?

When I was still in elementary I went to this seminar of sorts, this big gathering of elementary students, from different schools.

we were grouped according to age/batch/grade section, and then grouped by.. 20s? I think.

Then I can’t really remember but I knew I got stuck with this.. girl? or boy i think.

They’re friendly, really. It was like, we didn’t care we came from different/rival schools.

And that was the time when kids with cellphones wasn’t the trend, nor was Facebook, even Friendster.

Sooooo, i don’t remember who they/he/she is/are anymore.

Hehehehehe. :>

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Whhhaaaaaaaaat

I dunno… well.

Hmmm.

Okay i won’t name names.

I’ll just say,

the bottle/cigarettes isn’t the answer, and that well it may seem silly if you come to me for advice or to talk even though we’re not that close but i knoooooooow how you must feel.. well i don’t really know but i know how it feels to feel so bad that it sucks to even think that it will get better cause i really can’t say/speak for you.

But sigh, i’m here you know.

…….

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

This guy, sorta.

But, we’ve grown apart and I’m really happy with my boyfriend now. Haha!

SO, anyway, I hope you’re doing okay. I sorta miss the friendship.

I’ll see you when I see you. :P

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Hmmmm.

I’d saaaaay…

To my “cousin”

We knew each other since kindergarten days but I wasn’t fully “okay” with her cause I didn’t really like her attitude.

Grade school, sorta okay. We have the same last names so we’d fool around.

Then once we got in highschool, we “changed”, hung out in different groups/cliques. So she got a bit influenced, yknow, mean girl sorta thing.

But during 3rd year of highschool we got to know each other better, and damn it got close :)) Really bonded on a different level, and we affectionately call each other “Insan” or “cousin” in english. (insan = slang for pinsan, which is cousin.)

We graduated from highschool as really close, but right now we haven’t talked in a while since we’re both busy with our college lives.

She just celebrated her birthday, sigh, I greeted her but I dunno if she replied.. so that sucks a bit but,

Ah well, hope you’re doing good. I miss you!

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

*I’m late for like four days now. So I shall spam you with letters!*

MY CRUSH

(of courrse hahahahaha)

You’re both good and bad for me.

Good because:

inspiration of fluttery thoughts

fantasies of cute moments i want to have with you (purely platonic, really)

Bad because:

sometimes it can be a distraction

impossible to really happen

I know this is fantasy - this crush. But the thing is I really would like to meet you so you can already break my “image” of you.

I even think you’re kind of a slob and.. what’s the word. You’re kind of out of the zone. And honestly, yes I think you’re a heartbreaker who doesn’t even try.

So there :)

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Right now, you look very tired and thin.

You have tissue clinging to your nose, you have colds and cough.

Your nails are dirty, your clothes too baggy on you, your hair looks like it hasn’t been combed all day.

It looks like you’ve let yourself go, but how does one really do it?

To let oneself go, can one really do that?

I guess in cases, wherein one is selfless, I guess that could work.

But moving aside physical appearances, I know you’ve been through a lot this year.

You’ve had your share of ups and downs, triumphs and disappointments, kept and broken promises and goals. I want you to do better. More good stuff.

Leave the past behind, learn from them and rid bad memories from your heart and mind.

It’s crunch time; you ain’t getting younger.

(OJT! hahahaha, oh man. You’re gonna graduate soon. Those eyebags.. gonna get worse.)

More love and life, more sweets and smiles.

Tears are good, but in moderation right?

And never forget where you’ve come from.

HOPE | 2011

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

A lot of people changed my life.

It’s hard to limit it to one.

But maybe, if ever, I would have to saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay…

the first.

Meh, let’s just say, all my tastes in music, literature, those kinds of stuff, took root and evolved from hanging out with him. Like that.

Before my views on those things were too narrow, to put in a way. Kind of like that.

And the way he saw things was very different and unique, so, that’s nice.

So, haha, thank you.

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

The only recent person I made a pinky promise to, and the one I most cherish and try to keep, is with my boyfriend.

We made a promise to always communicate, be open with one another, and ultimately love each other as wholeheartedly as possible (if we start falling out of love, again, SAY IT. be open. there)

I never really believed in “pinky” promises.

but somehow

this one makes me believe in them.

Yeah, i know it’s just a symbolism or what, but.

Somehow..

:)

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Favorite memory? That’s hard.

Probably my mom nalang.

Always, she’d comfort me in times I thought I could never be comforted

supported me when I thought I least deserved it

and always loved me unconditionally.

I mean, my childhood and growing up years were tough, what more for her. And yet she’d always manage to remain strong for us, and I don’t know how she does it.

One favorite memory I have of her is when Harry Potter was relatively new. I was probably about 8 years old back then? And man I loved it. They’ve only released up to book 4 at that time and I got crazy trying to borrow it from my school’s elementary library or borrowing from my sister’s friends. I memorized the first movie hahaha.

Then there were stuff/rumors etc how Harry Potter was influencing kids to believe in witchcraft and all that crap and my father absolutely hated the idea of me loving Harry Potter so much and kept scolding me (imagine, a little kid) haha

So imagine my surprise when come Christmas time after my dad left to buy something my mom handed me a bix box. When I opened it was a set of the HP books from 1-4 (at that time those were the only ones released for the set, i think) and I was like, what will dad say? (thinking, I don’t think he’ll let me keep it) and my mom said, “Ako bahala dun” (“I’ll take care of it”)

And of course being the crybaby I am I cried because my mom is such a hero/heroine figure for me, openly defying my dad when it comes to her children’s happiness and well being.

She later on indulged me in every Harry POtter thing she could find and afford :)) like Harry Potter toys, collectibles. I still have (and use to this day) a purple Harry Potter coin bank. My mom also made this tradition (that sadly we didn’t follow anymore ever since the 4th one came out) of watching the Harry Potter movies as we grew up.

I am part of the Harry Potter generation. And I’m glad my mom also is, in a way. :)

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

I just told you awhile ago that, this is the first time I’ve felt this thing for somebody.

Even though you’re not my first boyfriend (I mean, it doesn’t necessarily mean it should be for the first, right), you’re my third, still.

It’s not because, we’ve almost, y know.

But, you’ve just got.. like in the lyric “you do something to me that I can’t explain”

You make me a better person. I NEVER THOUGHT IT’S ACTUALLY POSSIBLE. I mean, you make me want, and do, good things. You straighten me out, push me when I have doubts, comfort me and pull me up when I’m down, listen to me when I’m sad/angry/moody/bitchy/whiny/being an ass.. You’re generous, understanding, caring

You can be overly jealous sometimes. BUt I’m glad, and wow, thankful, that you’re overcoming it. (not that you’re not getting jealous anymore. but you keep it in check. That really means a lot.)

I love it how I just look at you and I feel at peace.

Even when things are going so bad for me.

Even when all I wanna do is sleep the day away, or what.

You accompany me everywhere! Even to a shopping mall/s, or a bazaar/s. Damn you, you are the best.

Let’s make this last forever indeed.

I KNOW THIS IS SUPER CHEESY. But, I DU NAT CARE.

Suck on it. :))

Gaaah. Thank you Lord.

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

The first.

The first one. First times. Firsts.

You get it, hahaha. The first cut is the deepest, right?

Because I made a huge mistake in what was supposed to be an amiable parting (is that right)

Yeah I screwed up, wallowed in self pity, made wrong decisions and bad choices, and cried like hell and moped for months, years.

But I’m okay now. Really. Okay. I can say it with confidence, pride, and riddance.

I hope you’re okay :) And I hope that things go smoothly for you, til, yknow :)